Funny Quote

“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.”  — Emo Philips

We Are SO Over

I’m done with my latest relationship.  I’ve been dating this guy since last November.  When I met him I knew the relationship didn’t really have much potential to last, but I was ok with the time we spent together.   He was fun and we ‘clicked’ in one of those ‘elusive’ ways (no, I am not talking about sexual chemistry).  It’s just been a long time since I was able to talk, laugh, and just enjoy things with someone that didn’t feel somewhat contrived or date-ish.  I was probably more ok with things because we didn’t actually live in the same city, so there was never an expectation of consistent time spent together. Plus, he’s been divorced and, quite honestly, that’s actually a dealbreaker for me when it comes to the ‘must-haves’ for my future spouse.

As with most relationships, inevitably one of the two parties (usually the woman, and yes, me in this case) wants more out of it or just realizes it’s run its course wants to end things sooner than later instead of dragging it out.  I knew in February that spending the time with him was really just reminding me that I really hadn’t found what I was looking for yet.  We talked in vague conversations about where we were in life and about the things we wanted, and while we never had a direct talk about it, the conversations we did have confirmed that our visions and wants were very different.

Then in May I tried to have a serious conversation with him about our relationship, which didn’t go very well.  I yelled and bullied in an attempt to get him to talk, and I know that was wrong.  He clammed up and told me he’s always had trouble opening up.  Blah blah.  I’ve heard that before and it basicallly means that he’s got no interest in addressing my concerns.

Somewhere among the drama of my real estate transaction in late May to present, I realized that this guy does not have the characteristics to mesh well with me when I am stressed.  I’ve been obsessed with mortgages and all things real estate for the last couple of months, and he’s not been a source of comfort or a reprieve from all of this headache.  

At the end of the day I would be so exhausted and frustrated after spending a lot of my time dealing with open houses or other real estate stuff that all I wanted was to go home and relax at the end of the day.  It made me really want someone to go home to at the end of the day and it made me want so desperately for someone who just ‘gets’ me, where I could be taken care of and where I could just let my hair down and feel like I’d be ok  with them in my corner.  I wanted to know that I could have a bad day and that they would still love me anyway. 

I never felt that with this guy.  Each time I’d try to open up or share more, I didn’t feel it was safe to do so, nor did I feel like he was receptive to seeing that side of me. 

There’s a lot more that was frustrating about this relationship, but I’ve made up in my mind to let it go.  It’s going nowhere, so what’s the point of putting more energy into and getting more attached, you know?

It sucks, it really does.  It’s hard to find someone who reciprocates a certain amount of chemistry, a certain amount of like-mindedness, and a certain style of being.  But I am letting it go and moving on.