How?

I don’t know how to do it.  It seems that lately everything is just telling me that I’ve got to change in really big ways.  I just had an argument with someone who triggered a lot of sort spots within me.  It’s not so much that this person means anything to me.  In fact, I just met them within the last few weeks.  It’s the fact that I just see how ugly of a person I am right now.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not hating myself or anything along those lines.  What I mean is that my spirit feels so disconnected from everything and that I am reacting harshly and out of places that are full of bitterness and defense.  I long to be inviting and open and just present without fear and without this hyperawareness and sensitivity to being judged.  There’s such a disconnect with my feelings, my spirit, and my reality that I’m just really tired of being so many things to so many different people.  I want to be authentic. I want to be consistent.  I just want to be me and to act accordingly.  The problem is, I have no idea who ‘me’ is anymore.  How does one go about figuring this out?  How does one go about loving and accepting themselves unconditionally?  It’s too easy to escape through work or hobbies or with friends.  At the end of the day I have no one but myself to answer to.  I don’t like doing this because the answers are never anything I actually like.  I long to be one of those people who just eminate peace and love and kindness.  But right now my spirit is telling everyone to go away and to leave me alone.  I don’t like this at all.  I really don’t.