Hey Dad

Hey Dad,

Today is Father’s Day and I miss you so much.  I can’t put into words how much I wish you were here.  I can barely remember what you look like or the sound of your voice.  I remember things in bits and pieces and at the most random moments.  I vaguely remember the sound of your laugh or the way your eyes would crinkle at the corners when you found something amusing.  I don’t remember much of you at all, and the memories I do I have are now fuzzy at best.  But even ‘tho the memories are fuzzy, what’s clear to me now is the love that you always had for me. 

I’ve been sitting here and thinking about you and I just realized that this December will be the 16th anniversary of your death.  Do you know what that means?  It means that this Christmas you will have been gone for over half of my life.  I can’t believe it. 

Dad, I miss you.  I love you.  I thank you.  I thank you for giving me all you had and for loving me the the way that you did.

Always,
Your baby girl

I Hate Good-Byes

I’m a little teary-eyed as I write this.  Two blogs I loved reading are now at an end.  Ajeya (Highway to Nowhere) and Slacker Mom have both decided their blogs have served their purpose and now they are off on the next part of their journey in life.  I know they will still be around, but I will miss their regular posts.

Take care!  I miss you already! 

Wedding Bells!

Nope, not mine!

A while back I wrote about my friend, Tonya,  She called me the other night with the good news!  She’s engaged and plans to be married in June!

I’m so happy for her! 

Growing Season – “JoAnna”

This is a follow up to the relationship I mentioned in my previous post. 

JoAnna is the name of the girl I met at church last Saturday.  On Friday I emailed her and we made plans together for Saturday. 

We had a great dinner and conversation tonight.  It was really nice getting to know her.  I can tell she has a close relationship with the Lord.  She just radiates it with her joy and her gratitude.  For a brief moment I compared myself to her and felt so inadequate to call myself a follower of Jesus Christ.  The reality of my wishy-washy faith just glared at me.  But just as quickly as I saw that, I also felt hope and encouragement.  I was actually happy to see that in her and I knew that in some way her example would inspire me to keep on seeking God in my own life.  More on this part later.

JoAnna works at a local hospital and was telling me all about these great ministries that she and her friend are involved in.  She’s helped with cancer camps for children and their siblings.  Did you know that chemotherapy can cause the skin of those with hispanic ancestry to turn “weird” colors such as orange, purple or green?  I knew some of the affects of chemotherapy, but I had no idea about this particular fact.  She talked about ministering to Asian families with children who have disabilities like cerebral palsy or mild retardation, etc.  If you’re Asian you know how difficult it is for parents of special needs children to accept and to cope with such a hand that life deals.  Asian parents just can’t deal with anything that is not considered “normal”.  They take it very, very hard. 

We talked about the “culture shock” we both felt when moving to the Bay Area.  She coming from Houston and me coming from Arizona, it was weird suddenly being a member of the majority and not the minority.  We laughed about our experiences with the reactions of some of our “less cultured” Caucasian friends when we would make certain Chinese dishes to eat.  My old roommate who was Caucasian used to always crack me up when she’d say, “What’s that smell?!?”

She also talked about some of the ”fortunate circumstances” that led her to the Bay Area, as well as those related to her finding housing here and the way she came to acquire some of her furniture.  What really struck me was how she was consistently saying “God really provided…” when she talked abut these circumstances.  I’m not in touch with the gratitude that I could see in her.  I think that I’m a good judge of character and am sensible enough to discern when someone is one of those “looney religious types” and when someone isn’t.  She didn’t seem to be one of those.

She’s actually attending a different church regularly on Sundays and is involved with a Bible study in that church, so I don’t know how often I’ll actually see her.  She did extend an invitation to join her small group when they will go attend an event where Lee Strobel will be speaking later in March.  I’m excited at the opportunity to see him speak!  We also talked about getting together for dinner again at a later date. 

When we sat down to dinner together, JoAnna prayed aloud for our meal.  With my head bowed, hands clapsed, and eyes closed, I was really trying to concentrate on what she was praying, but all I was really aware of was how self-conscious I was about praying so openly in front of other people.  When I’m around my Christian friends I’ll pray before a meal with them, and when I’m around my non-Christian friends I won’t.  I never really saw this as being a fair-weathered Christian.  I just always thought of myself as being sensitive to whoever was dining with me at the moment, but tonight the self-conscious awareness I felt was just glaring at me. 

I don’t like the fact that there’s still a great fear in me to just openly live the relationship that I have with the Lord.  JoAnna just seemed to be “JoAnna”.  Authentic and real, living for the Lord and with the Lord.  I know she’s not perfect and probably has some flaws, but I see that there’s an authenticity of spirit coming from her. 

Which brings me back to what I said I’d get back to earlier in this post.  I said that, “…I knew that in some way her example would inspire me to keep on seeking God in my own life.”

I got home this evening and came across this, “Things You Just Can’t Borrow — Like Faith and Preparedness”.  This excerpt really spoke to me:

“There are things that one Christian simply cannot share with another.

You cannot borrow another person’s faith. Others can tell you about their faith, but they can’t give it to you.

Going to church has great advantages, but it cannot give you acceptance before God simply through association with Christians. You can’t say, “My wife has religion enough for both of us.”

Walt Whitman was listening one night to an astronomer lecturing on the stars. The hall was stuffy and the lecture dull. The charts and diagrams were unilluminating. Whitman could stand it no longer. He got up and wandered out into the night and looked up at the stars themselves. James Stewart commented, “But there are people today–thousands of them–who have never thought of doing that. They stay inside, pouring over charts and diagrams of religion. But what they have isn’t real to them.” No one else can give that to you.

You cannot borrow another person’s piety. Piety is not transferable. You have to stand on your own.  Galatians 6:1-5 tells us about burdens we should carry for others and burdens we carry for ourselves.”

After reading this I flipped to Galatians 6:1-5 since that was referenced in the article I read.  I read this passage with such clarity this time around.  I know the Holy Spirit was once again reaffirming that I’ve got to keep seeking my own truths, that I can’t walk through life hoping that the strong faith of some of my Christian friends will rub off on me.  These friends can be there to inspire and to encourage me, but the true conviction in my faith can only be forged through my consistent testing, questioning and practical application of the Word in my life. 

Like any parent (child) out there, your relationship with each child (parent) is unique and special in their own way.  I know I can’t have the same type of relationship with God as JoAnna or my other Christian friends do, but I do know that I can experience the same depth of that love from Him that she does.  He loves me just as much as the next person, and the relationship I’m cultivating with Him will be just as special and unique.

Blessings,
RM

Salted Lemons

Today my co-worker brought in a bag of lemons that she had picked from the tree in her yard.  Immediately I thought of the book, “Salted Lemons”.  Did anyone ever read this story before?

I read it back in 6th grade and I’ve since completely forgotten the story, except that it was about 2 girls who were close friends.

In 6th grade my teacher, Mrs. Y, had us pair up to read a book and then we were tasked to present a book report of the story to class in some way.  My friend, Amy M. and I chose this book.  For our book report we brought in salted lemons for the class to eat.  This is probably the most obvious part of my post. 

I have long since forgotten about Amy M.  She and I were super close as any silly pre-teens could be.   I have no idea where she is now.  In fact, I don’t remember much about our time spent together, except that her name and this book elicits happy, nostalgic feelings within me. 

I’ve been thinking about Amy M. since this morning.  I wonder what she’s doing now.  I wonder how she is.  I wonder if she thinks of me from time to time.  While I haven’t seen her in nearly 20 years, the warmth of her friendship has made it’s imprint on my heart.  I miss her very much.

So today, in the middle of the afternoon, in the small breakroom at my office, I lovingly washed, sliced, and salted some lemon wedges and I toasted the wonderful friendship we once shared.  And for the first time in nearly 20 years, I ate another salted lemon.

Here’s to you, Amy M.  Thanks for being my friend.  I hope you are happy and that life is treating you well.

With love,
RM

Heart Talk

I have no idea what this new year will bring me.  I’m beginning it with a kinder, gentler, more purposeful and more optimistic perspective about life, about myself, and about the people around me and my role in the places I affect. 

I saw the previous quote on a t-shirt in a random shop I stopped into on new year’s eve.  It resonated with me and once again I wonder if it was really a random coincidence or whether it was God’s hand leading me to see something I needed to see, something that would stick with me to remind me this new year that I am an ever-evolving creature meant to grow in my character and to stay conscious that I am continually “becoming” perfectly made in His image.

The fears and the unknowns are still there, lurking about somewhere in the recesses of my mind, but I’m slowly learning to make peace with them.  I’m getting closer to finding my answers about life.  My own personal truths are still nebulous at best, but in the murky waters of those truths, the details seem more clear than I ever thought possible, and the path appears laid out before me.

Pink Lemonade

Imagine a complete stranger saying this to you:

“The Good Lord told me that if I hung on long enough, He’d send someone to carry this on.  As soon as you walked in, I knew it was you.”

And with that, you took over the stranger’s business and spent the next 10 years on an amazing journey helping cancer patients and growing in your relationship with God, and then coming full circle by battling your own fight with lung cancer. 

This is exactly what happened to my friend’s mom, Gayle.  Gayle just wrote a book, “Pink Lemonade:  Freshly Squeezed Insights To Stir Your Faith”, about her experiences since meeting Rita, that stranger mentioned aboved. Rita died less than a year after meeting Gayle, but the good work she began grew and multiplied for the next decade under Gayle’s care.

Gayle will be touring with her son, Adam, for the next year, travelling in a pink RV (re:  blog pic) around the US to promote her book and giving motivational speeches.  I hope that you will read her book, keep up with her blog and try to catch her when she arrives in a city near you.

You can read her story and find out all about Gayle here: 

http://www.lemonmotivators.com/index.html

The calendar link on her website is still under construction, so FYI…

Gayle and Adam will begin their tour in early January in New Mexico.  They plan to be in the San Francisco, CA area in late January/early February.  Drop me an email or let me know if you’d like more details.  If you would like to arrange to have Gayle speak at your local church, your local cancer center, any community group, or if you want to know where she’ll be having her book signing or where she’ll be speaking, let me know and I’ll try to get those details to you too.

Take care, ya’all!

With lots of love,
RM

Liberation Day!

Friday was my last day of work.  It was busier and more hectic than I thought it would be.  I was too busy training my replacement and wrapping up loose ends to really let the reality of the day sink in.  The day went by faster than expected until my manager called me later in the afternoon to wish me luck.  It was strange saying good-bye and I felt myself choke up a bit.  Who knew I’d be so sad when I was so ready to move on? 

On my drive to work I thought back to my early days.  I remember going to the interview not having any clue what the company did or what the job really entailed.  I had no idea back then that I would be here 6.5 years later, having gone through so many experiences there.

Chuck

Meet another neighbor. 

This is the next post in my “Oh, Who Are The People In Your Neighborhood” series.

 Our story goes…

When I was in college my advisor was this guy named Chuck.  He was in his mid-fifties, white hair, bluest eyes, and just had a very relaxed air about him.  He was an ex military man and I could tell that in his youth he must have been quite the catch!    He was divorced and had two kids.  A daughter my age and a son a couple of years younger.

A year or so into my college studies, I was really uncertain about what degree program I wanted to join.  I had started off as a biology major and had every intention of being pre-med or going into research of some sort.  Then the realization of A LOT more schooling hit me and somewhere along the way I started to look at other programs.  I took a few business and management information systems courses, both of which I liked, but being the independent spirit that I am, I really didn’t like how both of those curriculums pretty much had all of your courses laid out for you until you graduated.  To me, that was akin to signing your life away.  I’ve never been one to be ok with being told what to do or when to do it, and to declare a major where I’d have to follow a lot of structure didn’t appeal to me. 

Tonya

This is the friend who was the source of inspiration for the “Oh, Who Are The People In Your Neighborhood“  post series. 

Our story goes…

When I was in first grade my parents put up our current house for rent, purchased a house a few miles away, and we all moved midway through the school year.  Some years later when I was in fourth grade, my parents decided to sell our current house and move back into our original house.  Yeah, we were weird like that.  Anyway, the way the boundary lines were marked for our school district at that time allowed me to continue going to the same elementary school, despite moving (again).

In fifth grade there was “the new girl”.  You know how that goes.  You go to school year after year with the same kids and when someone new moves into the neighborhood.  It’s big news.